How “big” do you want to be {mothers day musings}

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This post has nothing to do with the size of your waist, nothing at all.

It also doesn’t have anything to do with mothers day, but it has a lot to do with being a mother.

It is about aspirations, goals and dreams, and how motherhood effects all these things.

I personally, am vulnerable to being overwhelmed by media messages telling me that whatever success I want to have, it is achievable whether I have children or not. It seems that only one form of success is celebrated and the more “equality” we women gain, the less we seem to value the things in life that might truly bring us happiness.

And so this leads me to a question I have to constantly ask MYSELF, not my friend or whoever, but me. How do I define success?

Success for me really, is about the long term picture. Because I want to have children who as adults respect me, honour me, and who above all, know they were truly important to me. Important enough to have my time. {Because time is the hardest thing to give}.

I struggle with this, because I have an obsessive personality and if I am painting, it can be like pulling a tooth for me to stop and make dinner, or to do books before bed. But loud and clear, is my mum voice in my head. Wanting them to be their best in life as well, it is not just about me. So, I tow the line and do you know what? I am rewarded with heart and warmth and sweet chaos, then when the day is done, I can paint again. {And I do}.

Soon they will all be grown up and I can paint to my hearts content. This thought is never far away from me. (My oldest is 18 and has now left home and that happened so so quick).

All the above leads to an important point. How “big” do you want to be right now? It is a question I often have to ask myself, recalibrating my life according to the answer.

If you chase every lead, work like a boss and create an empire, what will that cost you personally? Will it be worth that cost?. This requires some time weighing in what is truly important for you!  I have made many sacrifices because of the ways I want to raise my children, my desire to be able to have a career as an artist almost always playing second fiddle.

My youngest child is now six months old {wt?}, and so I am a few years off yet having “school” hours to commit to more work and bigger projects. For me the balance looks like this; I only work on one project or one exhibition at one time, (sometimes I turn down very good opportunities and that hurts). This is achievable with hard consistent work and many late nights {and a super husband}.

I admit to reigning in feelings of jealously sometimes, when I see other people achieving big things, or working on huge projects. Reminding myself that that is not my life and not what I have chosen. I am definitely the h a r e. I will get there, but it will be at a slow and steady pace. Please tell me I am not the only one who feels like this?

So, anyhow, I think it’s important to have clearly in your mind how “big” you want to be right now? How far reaching do you want your creative business to be? What sacrifices on the family front are you willing to make that are desirable/achievable for you. What level of outside care/home balance do you want for your children? What are you willing to outsource?

Answering these questions will truly help you organise and prioritise your time. It will put you back in the drivers seat and help you deal with feelings of parent guilt or the loss of control over your life. If you only work creatively two hours a day {or no hours a day!}, but you value and enjoy the time invested in your family. Choose to be ok with that! On the same token if you have far reaching ambitions, treat your art/craft etc as a job and don’t look back.

It is a hard thing, this being creative and parenting thing, but truly it is worth working out how you “operate” because at the end of the day you will be happier the more you understand yourself, and so will your children!

Over an out, I am off to eat lunch that I did not prepare!

Happy mothers day from me..

Jasmine x

 

 

 

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  • Hannah
    Reply

    Omg yes! So true so true so true!! I have been thinking about this SO much recently.
    I am feeling strong and capable and really happy with my recent achievements. But I have been asking myself these question A LOT! I can see the opportunities awaiting, the networking, the possibilities and the ‘career!’ ….I want to ‘shoot for the top’ but never at the expense of the amazing time ( that hard to come by time’) that I have with my little ones.
    I was sending out media releases before my exhibition….but sort of reluctant to press ‘send’. How much attention did I want to bring to myself? Should I be seeking all this publicity if I fant fufill the demand they may arise after? What do I WANT!! Life before kids….well…I would have wanted it all NOW NOW NOW! But not these days….I am constantly readjusting my concept of ‘success’ and what it means to me. I think you have raised some really interesting questions and I’m so happy you did.
    Now my question is…how come I didn’t know you wrote this blog!!? I must subscribe! Xxxxx
    Sending big cuddles to that bub of yours. (Baby envy!) x

    • Jasmine
      Reply

      Oh I am hearing you about all these things and i guess it is just a matter of having peace about the choices you make.. in the end being a parent is a rewarding wonderful job and the whole balancing act is a very individual thing… Lovely to connect on here Hannah and well done on your recent exhibition… xx

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